Today is interesting. I find myself over-thinking and going nowhere. I feel it is time to let go and move forward. Accept that I am me and that is all I need to be. I will not let anxiety control my favorite hobbies or prevent me from loving the world around me. I think everyday I become stronger and more prepared to set limits to prevent any anxiety overload again.
I found out two of my proposals were not funded. Of course this is very common but still sad none the less. I wrote these in hope of improving moral and environment at work. I believe creating a community of learners welcoming for everyone. I am very passionate about doing this. However, this is also the same stressor that caused my mind to not find rest. It is a big problem and I cannot solely fix it. Part of me is glad it was not funded because the amount of work associated with the proposal.
I am learning that life is more important than success and it takes time to make these dramatic changes. It takes a whole community as well, not a sole member. I will continue to be an advocate for change but I will not take sole responsibility.
Finally, I have been scare to do simple tasks. If I let my mind rest, it could wander. However, this is no way to live. Give in to the anxiety, nope... That is just not an option. I just decided to give it time and try one thing at a time. Every step forward is a success and milestone. I was nervous but in the end everything was fine. I have to say without the love and constant support of my husband, I may not have felt this way. As time goes on I will continue to move forward and keep trying additional things to and get back to my life.