Knittwitt Knitter

Friday, August 12, 2016

Five on Friday: A little of this and that

Hello all.

It has been a while since I posted. Not because my mind and thoughts are going but more because I love summer and in WI you have to get as much as you can while it lasts. I work at UW-Madison and it is the time of the year where people are buzzing. Students move in Monday and campus will be busy soon again. While tackling my work load I have found the preparedness to be the best tool for looking ahead.

November, I will go to Raleigh, NC for a conference and hopefully some sight seeing in the evening! I am looking forward to the trip as I have never been to Raleigh. October is recruiting, always a busy and fast month. For fun, we run away to La Crosse for Oktoberfest. I am currently knitting beer gloves for all of our friends and family this year.

As for life in general, I am still moving forward but a little slower than I would like. I spent the weekend in Tampa, FL watching my niece and nephew for a few days while their parents had a trip. It was the best opportunity to get to know these kids and have quality time since they are so far away. However, this is the longest I have been apart from my own son. I started to feel very anxious the day before I left. The morning by myself with the kiddos, I cried for 10 mins in the bathroom trying to figure out what my emotions meant. Basically, I missed my family and it was going to be a while until I see them. However, I can do this. I have a great opportunity and had a blast the rest of the weekend. Thinking about this event more, I realized that my anxiety is not straight forward. I was anxious and I thought it was because I could not handle two kids for 4 days on my own. In in reality, I was just missing my family. Once I realized the emotion, it was like instant relief. Anxiety literally fell from my body and I was at peace. Yes, I am sad that I am away from my family however, everyone is fine and I need to take this opportunity with my niece and nephew and bond with them.

 My niece and nephew at Johnny Rocketes.
 My niece and I while H sleeps.

Maybe this is a key way to move forward, instead of taking the anxiety at face value look and search my emotions to understand my true feelings.

Of course I was able to visit 2 yarn stores while in FL. I had a wonderful time. I am a huge fan of The Fiber Seed yarn and I bought another skein for myself.
New yarn from Fiber Seed purchased at Roxy's Yarn.

I finished the weekend with knitting in the airport. Another blogger discussed how she knits a pair of socks for her kids every year on the first day of school. I love this idea and decided to start the tradition with N. 
Knitting N's first grade socks while in the airport.

Enjoy your weekend my loves.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

TJBTM: Catching the Spiral

Anxiety is just anxiety. It is just a thought of, take a step back and think before acting. However, it becomes difficult when one fears of the outcome anxiety is trying to prevent. For example, early cave man days, a man could walk to the edge of a cliff. Anxiety says, hey back up.... and you do so to save your life. This is a way we can "listen" to our inner self and prevent tragedy. Again, do not go down that dark alley by yourself late at night, go the long way... and so forth.

I have a trip planned this week to head to FL and babysit some family. I am so excited. As the weekend draws near, anxiety started to find a way in. I started to worry about not knowing any other adult in the city. What if... this, what if that.... of course all of the scenarios in my head were bad. My mind became taxed and my spiral began.

As the day progressed, I decided what if something equally likely but extremely wonderful happened. For example, a stranger gave me 10 million dollars on the street. How is that any less likely than me passing out for some unknown reason and no one there to help with the kiddos? Either are both unlikely and not something to worry. Once you add probability and not just possibility, anxiety loses the strength to tax the mind and control ones fear. At least in my case, the logic helps ease the worry.

Instead, I am doing things within my control. Planning activities, places to see and memories to make. Today I stopped the spiral and it feels really good.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

WIP Wednesday

Hello knitters.

It has been a fun, heartfelt and exhausting weekend. First we traveled 5 hours last Friday for a graduation party. A dear family member is done with high school and off to the next phase of his journey. We wished him all the luck in the world and will always be here to support him along the way. He is a exemplary young man and I hope my son turns out just as awesome.
N and C, 2013

On Sunday, we rushed back home to meet my sister-in-law and family. We spent time visiting the zoo, splash parks and local hot spots. Throughout the whole time, my niece and nephew got to know our family a bit better and we bonded for a long time. After the third day, we said our "See you laters" and headed home to a quiet house. Gosh, what a great few days.

S, N and H, 2016
Alright, back to the knitting.  I started a second Azel Sweater for a friend's daughter. I love my homemade stitch marker. 
 Finally, I am reading The Yarn Whisper. It is written by the same author as Knitladia, Clara Parkes. So far, I am in love. I have put a hold on Knitladia at the library and cannot wait to dive in.

Have a great week knitters. Linking up with Ginny

Friday, July 1, 2016

Five on Friday

Hello all. I hope this post finds you well and happy.

I am doing well. My family and I are looking forward to a quick trip for the 4th of July. Campfires, boat rides and family time is in our future.

Here is my 5:

 We spent many hours redoing our deck in May and June. Now we are finally reaping the benefits. I am working on some socks in the Monkey pattern using Tosh Sock in the Ginseng colorway. I love LOVE love this pattern. It is simple, quick and beautiful. I had some issues with the yarn pooling on the foot however, I think I have taken care of that! Maybe next week, these will be done. (That could be wishful thinking.
 Here is the gang for one last picture before one family leaves to start their new journeys. These kids have hung out and been friends for the last 5 years. Clearly, they have a great time together and these events in our lives will be dearly missed.
 Here are the moms. We met through our daycare and became friends quickly. My dear friend L on the right moved on Monday. Her hubby took a job as a pediatrician 3 hours away. While our twice a week, last minute dinners are out of the question, we at least get to visit for a whole weekend at a time. Plus we have already starting emailing a lot to stay in contact. 
 I have always wondered about the benefits of having only one child. For some reason, I believe you here more negative than positive so I thought I should read about.
The past week, my husband and I have decided to get back into shape. We work out for 30 mins together and try to tackle our eating habits. So far, I feel better and have smaller black circles under my eyes. Hopefully, I can stick to it ;)

Here is more 5 on Friday.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

TJBTM: What I want to be when I grow up

As of April, I have changed my reading and tv habits. I stopped watching my favorite shows and reading my favorite novels. They were usually about crimes, murders and scary events. I loved the science behind the show Bones and watched every week. However, my anxiety attacked me personally and these shows made me very scared.

Last week, I went back to my usual novels. I realized I like the dynamic between the lead characters and the journey of their relationship. I was still sensitive to the crime and murder so I had to quit. Tonight, I tried watching a new episode of Bones. It was not scary and it was actually a episode very different from their normal scripts. The episode was still about solving a murder but it also was about a a person following them to make a documentary about their relationship between the FBI and Bones. At the end of the episode, they asked each character what they wanted to be when they grow up. I found this very fun and interesting.

I guess from a young age I knew I was going to be a scientist. I am not sure what age I knew to be a chemist. Heck, I do not know if I should be one now.. but that is another story. Making the decision to go to graduate school was easy. I figured out I wanted to know more about my field and have a deeper understanding about our world. I thrive to learn something new everyday. I love school. I love figuring things out and understanding phenomena at a deeper level. Honestly, when I retire I told my husband I want to work at FedEx. Think about how well organized and thought out a company has to be to guarantee an item to be anywhere in the world within 24 hours. Impressive and I want to know how. I also want to work at an airport. That is another example of a "well-oiled machine"!

I want to learn not only more about science and chemistry but about life. The saying we are only human really resonates with me.  We are allowed and expected to make mistakes however we should learn from them. We are fortunate to have the ability to not only analyze our mistakes but to adapt. I realized I am too robotic and I do not feel things. I bottle things up until the dam is at its breaking point. Now that I have identified the issue, I feel the way to adapt is to slow down in life and feel the emotion. I may not understand what I am feeling but I will give the emotion it's 5 minutes of fame and move on. Hopefully releasing pressure from a the dam.

Friday, June 24, 2016

Five on Friday

Hello. This is my first Five on Friday Post.

One: I bought yarn at my LYS trunk show of madlinetosh. I cannot wait to cast on these socks. However, I will finish a few more projects before I do. Well, at least that is the goal.
 Two: We are enjoying the deck and time outside. Every night (weather permitting) my husband and I have a 20-30 minute talk about life, the day and us. It has been the best improvement to our home.
 Three: Saved this little guy from my dogs. Hopefully he will stay cute from a distance :)
 Four: My current WIP. The Quicksilver shawl. I have only one last section!!! Hopefully, this will be done by the end of the day.... Fingers crossed.
 Five: I finished my nieces Azel Sweater. It was a super fast and easy project. However, there are several mistakes in the patter which is frustrating.
Thank you for stopping by and joining Five on Friday. More Five on Friday  can be found here.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

TJBTM: The Meh's and Exercise

I decided to take some time off work and reflect. My plan was to just relax. Well, my mind does not stop which is the up and downside of anxiety. The first day off, I put a two coats of stain on the deck pillars and hauled the old deck boards away by 9 am. Then, work needed somethings done. Overall, the first day was extremely productive but in all the wrong ways. The next two days were the same as followed. Finally, I sit here perplexed.

The old me, before the panic attack never saw the relaxing and rest as a need therefore I pushed until the limits. I knew how to do that. I did it for years. I feel comfortable with that routine. That is the familiar to me. People know that is who I am. Now, I need rest, relaxation and me time and it is causing a ripple affect in my life. I know the right answer is to set a new status quo and to keep to it. But I can do the old me, I can work and push myself to the limits and be whatever everyone wants. I felt loved then, people talk to me as the need something from me. However, as I stopped being the push over, my friend stopped seeing the value of me. Therefore, I am lonely.

The loneliness leads to doubt, pain and more anxiety.It is embarrassing to me to need people so bad.... Ugh, I am not sure the right answer or what type of friend I am....  It is a vicious cycle of over thinking and analyzing. However, it is a hard one and I am struggling. Exercise and routine is what I need to get through this "meh" time. Here is to a day where I do not feel strong but I feel like there is still hope.