Three simple words. It is okay.
As a parent, we teach our kids the basic tools for life. How to tie shoes, balance a checkbook, drive a car, bake a cake, etc... However, without even knowing it, we teach them how to endure. We tell them constantly, it will be okay. You will get through this. I know when my son use to get a small cut, he would scream and cry. Now, after countless times repeating it is going to be okay, he just shakes minor cuts off. I am sure someday the same thing will happen with is first love and many other experiences.
My childhood was a bit unusual. I have eluded to the fact, I was not a "happy" kid growing up and I never felt a sense of belonging. I also never felt a sense of reassurance. I do not remember ever crying in my parents arms with them comforting me. They had their limits. It just was not part of their nurturing. Therefore, I am here as a grown adult craving those words.
For example, years ago, we found ourselves with a very sick dog. This dog is an important part of our family. I was so scared we were losing him. I remember a dear friend told me, "it will be okay". I interpreted that as her having a crystal ball, or algorithm that predicted the future. She knew my dog would survive. In reality it meant, no matter what happens, life will go on. When I discovered what people meant, it was an epiphany. People will help me through the bad times and we will endure. The feeling of hope, security and comfort flooded my mind.
As an adult, I find myself searching for this reassurance that I can in fact endure what life throws at me. I do not have the baseline developed from childhood. How do I fix that? Well, I believe it is simply to find the power within. Tell myself, it will be okay when I worry. The overwhelming sensation is amazing. Taking a deep breath and realizing endurance is there if we chose it.
As for the past few years, I have noticed I am a very needy friend. I believe this all ties into the same issues. I have taught myself to trust my own instincts instead of asking for others advice. I have also found comfort from writing and thinking about situations. I hope in the future I can be an even better friend and not so needy!
Hope all is well.