It has been almost a month since I had an "panic attack" or whatever you want to call it.
I would say 90% of the time I feel like myself. I feel completely normal and like before. However, the other 10% is still very hesitate. I worry that if I do something wrong or hit a stressor I will be right back in a ball on the floor crying. To combat this fear, I look at how far I have come in 30 days. I believe I truly know myself and maybe even learning some new things. I even have goals for myself:
1. I need to set limits.
2. I need to set boundaries.
3. It is 100% okay to be selfish for your own health.
4. Work is not the end all of everything.
5. You are not a failure if you cannot do it all.
6. Find a small thing that makes you happy. Everyday.
7. Love, Love, Love
8. I am not alone. We all struggle at some point. It is okay to struggle and to get help.
I guess in short, instead of looking at a to-do list and freaking out, I need to look at the done list and be proud. I need to accept that I am human. I cannot save the world by myself. What I can do is simply, be healthy and love. I can excel at this by just letting go of what I thought defined me. It sounds so simply and lovely, just let go. This is so much harder in practice. Everything I do is because I am passionate about it. Everything I do is because I believe I can make a difference. The questions I need to ask myself is: "At what cost does this compassion and extras have? Is it worth my health and well-being?" It may not be forever but for now I need to let go and be good to myself. Someday, I will come back better than ever.