It has been almost a month since I had an "panic attack" or whatever you want to call it.
I would say 90% of the time I feel like myself. I feel completely normal and like before. However, the other 10% is still very hesitate. I worry that if I do something wrong or hit a stressor I will be right back in a ball on the floor crying. To combat this fear, I look at how far I have come in 30 days. I believe I truly know myself and maybe even learning some new things. I even have goals for myself:
1. I need to set limits.
2. I need to set boundaries.
3. It is 100% okay to be selfish for your own health.
4. Work is not the end all of everything.
5. You are not a failure if you cannot do it all.
6. Find a small thing that makes you happy. Everyday.
7. Love, Love, Love
8. I am not alone. We all struggle at some point. It is okay to struggle and to get help.
I guess in short, instead of looking at a to-do list and freaking out, I need to look at the done list and be proud. I need to accept that I am human. I cannot save the world by myself. What I can do is simply, be healthy and love. I can excel at this by just letting go of what I thought defined me. It sounds so simply and lovely, just let go. This is so much harder in practice. Everything I do is because I am passionate about it. Everything I do is because I believe I can make a difference. The questions I need to ask myself is: "At what cost does this compassion and extras have? Is it worth my health and well-being?" It may not be forever but for now I need to let go and be good to myself. Someday, I will come back better than ever.
A path of figuring out my place. Writing to digest. Knitting along the way.
I hear you - I'm having a really hard time myself lately, and I use a lot of the things on your list to try and bring myself back. We'll get there. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment! And yes we will get there. I have a feeling we will also have to look back and remember our limits too!!
DeleteYour are so honest! The cost of compassion would have gotten me into trouble yesterday. Thankfully my husband knew better.
ReplyDeleteI was at the shelter wanting to take home an orphaned kitten to bottle and he put his foot down. He was right. Someone else took it on. I would have been up every 2 hours bottling it and I'm too old for that.
I need to slow down and prevent my own panic! THank you for thecost of compassion prompt. I have to keep thinking of that
I completely understand the struggle. You can help and you should is always the "right" thing to do. But we cannot save the world on our own and we have to see what we have already contributed. Sometimes helping more will hurt our ability to help in the end. That is how I see it and it helps with the guilt associated with making a choice not to do everything possible. I am so glad you stopped by. I find writing helps me understand my own feelings better. I hope it helps you too!
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