WIP Wednesday

Hello knitters.

I hope this blog post finds you well. I am still "suffering" with startists. I love to cast on right now. Not sure why but hey, I will roll with it. Currently, I am working between 3 projects. The first is a sock with fun stripping yarn.

This yarn is Schoppel in the color way 2208. I love the various in the color. Having both variegated sections and solids is fun as well. Every stripe is something new and different. For this sock I decided to use SBA "How I make my socks" pattern with some slight deviations. I used size 2 needles and casted on less stitches.

 Above is another socks I just cast on. It is again the SBA pattern. However, this skein is a gift from a dear friend who dyed it herself. This skein is from Willow Pond Dye Works. She just restocked her Etsy Store, so head over there for fun Mother's Day ideas!! Above is the color way Sharpies and Highlighters.

Finally, I wanted to do something other than socks. My knitting partner in crime sent me this Craftsy pattern for us to work on together. I need to catch up to her so I cast on this yesterday and decided to try the edging. So far, I like how it is turning out and it is fun to knit something on bigger needles. I was working on this over lunch and my coworker was like, I just bought this kit too! Small world.

As for reading, I have been a bit behind. Usually I read murder mysteries but right now I am not feeling that so much. I am going to try the scifi classic Irobot. I cannot wait to see what everyone else has on the needles. I am linking up with Ginny today.

TJBTM: Part 5

Today was a big step forward for me. I woke up for the first time without a knot or butterflies in my stomach. I woke up feeling fine and ready to take on the world. As much as we think about the set backs, analyze the anxiety and worry about all the negatives, I also need to celebrate the victories. Today was a big victory. Moving forward is the only direction I am interested in. I hope you see your victories and celebrate them not only just as much as we worry about the set backs but more! Happy Tuesday.

TJBTM: One Month

It has been almost a month since I had an "panic attack" or whatever you want to call it.

I would say 90% of the time I feel like myself. I feel completely normal and like before. However, the other 10% is still very hesitate. I worry that if I do something wrong or hit a stressor I will be right back in a ball on the floor crying. To combat this fear, I look at how far I have come in 30 days. I believe I truly know myself and maybe even learning some new things. I even have goals for myself:

1. I need to set limits.
2.  I need to set boundaries.
3. It is 100% okay to be selfish for your own health.
4. Work is not the end all of everything.
5. You are not a failure if you cannot do it all.
6. Find a small thing that makes you happy. Everyday.
7. Love, Love, Love
8. I am not alone. We all struggle at some point. It is okay to struggle and to get help.

I guess in short, instead of looking at a to-do list and freaking out, I need to look at the done list and be proud. I need to accept that I am human. I cannot save the world by myself. What I can do is simply, be healthy and love.  I can excel at this by just letting go of what I thought defined me. It sounds so simply and lovely, just let go. This is so much harder in practice. Everything I do is because I am passionate about it. Everything I do is because I believe I can make a difference. The questions I need to ask myself is: "At what cost does this compassion and extras have? Is it worth my health and well-being?" It may not be forever but for now I need to let go and be good to myself. Someday, I will come back better than ever.

TJBTM: Part Three

Hello.

Well it has been almost a month since everything happened. I have come a long ways from where I was. I feel like the rational person I can be. However, as I look back, I wonder why it happened. What could I have done or could do now to prevent another anxiety spell?

I realized that this was a warning, from my mind to slow down. I am literally taking on too much and not saying "no" enough. I care about many issues at work and feel like I could address some. I feel like I could make a difference so I should. However, one person can do a lot but at the same time can also go crazy trying. I need to learn to set boundaries. Saying "no" is not selfish, it is necessary to have time for life. We are all only human.

Setting goals like this is hard. I believe a person should help when they can. However, the difference I do not realize is the "when they can" part. I try to help in every way possible but at what cost. Currently, I love to write many proposals and try to get funding for diversity and climate issues. These issues are near and dear to my heart and writing constantly about these topics can be draining and very negative. I got wrapped up in the emotions.

So, it is time for a break. I will step back. I will continue my current projects and ideas but I will not add anything additional. I cannot. In the future, (maybe) I will look into other issues I could help with? Try something other than climate and diversity. I will first work on how to say "no" as well. That is a big challenge for me.

WIP Wednesday

Hello knitters.

I hope you are all having a wonderful Wednesday! It is a cloudy, rainy and cold morning in WI. I have a case of "startistis." I cannot stop casting on new projects! I love the first few rows to see how the yarn unfolds and knits up. How beautiful the stitches look when melting together through the colorway. Pure Bliss.

I bought this yarn while in Wausau, WI. I love how the purple and grey switch every row. The yarn is extremely delicate and light weight so I decided to go with a size 0 needle. I am hoping to wear them for the winter in 2017! :) Realistic goals for size 0 projects.

This yarn is a bit heavier weight. I decided I needed something to cast on that could be done a bit faster and on bigger needles. It is so bright and fun with large variations in color! I am so excited to see how the finished sock knits up. This yarn was purchased 2 years ago in Minoqua WI when I was visiting family. This yarn is from a German company called Schoppel. I forgot the colorway #.

This sock is for a dear friend graduating from med school this year. I am so proud and excited for her. She is amazing and very strong. I am hoping to finish these by May. However, with my current "startitis" this may not happen. :)

I am not sure what to read right now. I am looking for some "feel good" books. Nothing too deep; just something fun. Suggestion?

Linking up with Ginny today. I cannot wait to see what all of you have on needles!!!! :)

TJBTM: Part two

Over two weeks.

I sit here passionate about mental health. I have come around the corner and feel on the mend. However, I feel so fortunate because of the family, friends, and health care I have access too. My heart aches for those who suffer because they do not have such support. I feel like this can be an ultimate goal for myself. I work in higher education and I can make a difference. Once I am comfortable, I will make a difference. I will help those I can. This is the biggest motivation to work at getting myself healthy.

Currently, I feel about 75% back to myself. While my mind is getting into the routine of work, my body is completely exhausted. I have no appetite. I eat but it is a chore. I am struggling with the idea of who I am and my self confidence is shaken. The anxiety took over for awhile and I was weak. I met a part of me I never knew. I part of me I hope never to see again. However, if I do get another panic/anxiety attack I hope I can get through it with coping techniques that I will build for myself. As a logical and analytical thinker, I want to know everything about the experience. I want to know why, how, what was the trigger, how can I prevent this. This insight will lead to healing. Learning to love my whole self and accepting truly my faults.

Life is good.