The feeling in my fingertips and the empathy I feel manifested to this post.
Over the past few weeks, I have been reading How the Word is Passed by Clint Smith. It is an understatement to say this book changed how I look at the world we live in. I have only read the first 3 sections. I have to take it in pieces. Digest the new reality I see when I look around. There are so many emotions and feelings associated with how I feel lately and writing helps me process my state of mind.
Sadness.
The first emotion that came across was sadness. Tears rolled down my eyes when I read about how history and social foundation built upon slave labor. Non-free humans, deemed as property, to increase ones social status. To create the next generation of successful free humans, this country used non-free human labor. I realized the term slave takes away the sense of the person being a human. I imagine what my family would have been "worth". My son taken from me to increase the value of another which leads to generation wealth. this leads to the continuous cycle of maintaining a dominate race. A superior race. One that has the power to make the laws, implement punishments, and reinforce the current status.
Anger.
Realizing the plan, the intentional use of non-free humans, for profit lead to the next emotion. Anger. Pure anger that one could justify their own free child more important than a non-free child. The idea of owning someone....Anger that this is how our system works. To this day, prisons do not value the life of mistakes. We teach our youth it is okay to make a mistake. However, if you are not in the powerful community, mistakes can be deadly. Mistakes can mean imprisonment, without equal due process, into cheap labor that our current system then benefits and enforces the cycle. Anger that I have to have a license plate made by a prisoner. Anger that I live in a system that for an individual is difficult to change. Even more difficult because it is made to keep the the newly freed humans, "in their place". Anger.
Optimism. (Cautious)
As a society, some of us are willing to do the process. Reckon with the past, fully acknowledge our entitlement built on backs of non-free humans. Create a place to learn, and truly make this a better place for all.
Anger.
Back to anger. It seems so obvious the work that needs to be done. The past is horrible and the history we denied ourselves should be open for all to learn. However, not all choose to do. The anger of people having the ability to not want or choose the work. Dealing with living in a society where we know others feel slavery was in the past and is not impacting the current generation or future ones. Anger.
Isolation.
My personal connect with all of this is very multilayered. I am a person of color. An orphan from India. Adopted into a white family with white privilege. Successful due to white privilege. Not truly fitting in with white community due to appearance. Not fitting in with non-white society due to white cultural and up brining. Pure isolation.
Hopeless.
Hearing that change is on the horizon. People are doing the work but while that work is being done, the system is still inequitable. Making the issue worse. Being a part of a broken system. Being an enabler of the system. Not able to change it. Knowing in my lifetime, there may be little change.
Motivational.
What can I do? I serve on many committees at work that are charged with creating better and more equitable programs for historically excluded groups. I will commit to this work and raise a son that is aware of the history of this country and can make informed decisions.
Tomorrow I have my discussion with book club members. I am interested and intrigued to hear their thoughts and processes. Maybe that can cure isolation or lead to an even greater understand.
Keep learning my friends.
